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A good education is not to teach children how to win, but to learn how to face losses

Posting time:2022-12-02 06:22:57

A good education is not to teach children how to win, but to learn how to face losses

Children basically have a competitive spirit, they laugh when they win, and cry when they lose. Competitiveness is a double-edged sword. It can make children motivated, but if they are too competitive, it is easy to "can't afford to lose". If they fail, they will fall into depression and decadence. Therefore, Bai Yansong once said: "Parents not only need to Teach children how to win, but also teach them how to lose beautifully.” So, how to guide children to face failure correctly and be able to “afford to lose”? You can try these 6 methods.

1. Allow the losing child to cry

Although the child's way of expressing failure is wrong, the child is already very uncomfortable when he loses. If the parents are tough at this time Saying: "If you lose, you lose, what's the big deal, don't cry!" This will make children feel that their emotions are not understood and become more anxious. At this time, parents can use empathy to reassure their children, guide them to express their true feelings, and tell them: "Mom and Dad know that you are not being unreasonable. You are uncomfortable now. Just cry if you want, there is nothing to be embarrassed about." Often. At this time, many children will not cry, but will be amused by the parents' words, and will soon forget the negative emotions.

2. Timely and positive guidance

The child forgets the bad emotions, it does not mean to forget this matter, at this time the parents have to do Positive and timely guidance. Children pay too much attention to winning and losing, often because parents pay too much attention to the results and exaggerate the impact of the results. For example, parents keep praising the child who won the first place, and say to the backward child: "See how good they are, you have to learn more from them." win" to get the attention of those around you. Therefore, the best way to make children "affordable to lose" is to reduce the influence of the results and emphasize the children's excellent performance in the process. For example, at this time, you can say: "Although you fell behind in the run just now, but mom noticed that you never gave up, but tried to catch up. Mom is very proud of you." Let the child understand what experience or feeling he has gained in the process, rather than The end result is more important so that everything the child does later will not focus all on the result but more on the joy of the experience.

3. Analyze the reasons for failure and help children improve their abilities

After emotional guidance, parents can take their children to do a review, analyze the reasons for failure, and summarize experience. If the skill or knowledge competition fails, you can lead the child to analyze the specific ability or knowledge point that he has not mastered, and help the child formulate new goals and plans, and strive to improve their ability. This not only allows children to quickly get out of their depressed emotions, but also allows them to correctly view their own problems and improve their abilities. Note that if the child's mood is still not good at that time, you can wait for the child's mood to calm down, or do a review the next day, because the review needs to be recalled, which may bring the child into a collapsed situation again. In addition to doing these three steps, parents should also pay attention to these three points in daily life:

1. Parents themselves must learn to admit defeat

Not only children, but also parents will fail in their daily lives. This is a good opportunity to set an example and guide for children. For example, the company holds a badminton competition, but my father fails to win the first place, so I can teach my children by words and deeds: "Although it is a pity that I did not win the first place, my father learned several new tricks from the masters during the competition. , and got the exercise, my father feels very happy. My father thinks that as long as I practice more, I will achieve better results next time.” Share with your child his experience of failure and solutions, and the child will empathize with the failure and be positive about the failure. Attribution and thinking, will have a good attitude when encountering setbacks in the future.

2. Let the child experience failure and bear some setbacks

Sometimes the child will make a loud noise when he loses, and the parents will immediately accommodate the child and deliberately let the child win. As everyone knows, doing so will make the child's competitive spirit stronger and stronger, which has the opposite effect. Constantly protecting your child's glassy heart from failure will do them no good. The next time it fails, the child will feel ashamed and even unacceptable. Therefore, let children experience failure more and bear setbacks, in order to cultivate children's open-mindedness and face failure positively.

3. Humor resolves embarrassment and diverts children's attention

Sometimes children "can't afford to lose" because they feel shameless. At this time, it is more effective to use humor to resolve embarrassment and help children shift their attention. For example, if a child fails a math test and feels depressed, parents can say: "It doesn't matter if you fail the test once, we are not robots. Robots are not wrong because they have programs in their brains. Don't you have a small brain in your brain? program? Let mom see it!" The humorous way can make children laugh and forget the sadness of "lose". Liu Zhenyun said: "There is no winning or losing in life, but once you have the will to win or lose, you will be a loser." As parents, it is very important to cultivate the "wolf nature" of children who "love to fight to win", and cultivate children to "win even when they win." The spirit of "can afford to lose" is more important. Only children who "can afford to lose" will win beautifully in the future.

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